Writer
Get F*King Objective
Nobody has ever died solely from being single, but so many have died from being with the wrong partner.
We are well-aware of the woman who strategizes her way into leaving her cheating husband and gets one over on him. But why hasn’t anyone adopted this approach when it comes to domestic abuse?
There are no other books on the market that tackle the issue of domestic abuse in a practical way like Get F*King Objective does.
This book provides a roadmap for women, setting out ways in which they can utilize their silence and adopt various strategies to exit an abusive relationship. This might be described as off-piste when compared to other domestic abuse books on the market but is one that women in our society are ready for.
A summary of the eight-step guide is as follows.
Step 1: identifies the importance of women identifying abuse. Once a woman has come to terms with this, she can plot her escape without tipping off her abuser. This is key, not just from the perspective of a woman who is being abused but applies to a young and impressionable woman who may not have encountered domestic abuse. This therefore acts as a preventative tool, as it alerts the latter category of woman on the signs of abusive conduct.
Step 2: discusses the importance of maintaining a poker face and not letting your abuser know that you have identified his abuse as such. This step talks women through the implications of this and stresses the importance of ensuring that there is no change in behavior on the victim’s part.
Step 3: Due diligence is an important part of the process, and to get to the bottom of your abuser’s behavior, I encourage women to be curious in Step 3. Where there is one sign of disrespect/deception, there will be more. The truth is often kept in plain sight, and this chapter gives women tips and suggestions in terms of knowing where to look and what to look for. This is an important part of the process as it aids in the process of cementing a woman’s decision to leave her abuser.
Step 4: sets out tools and resources which women can both objectively and subjectively apply to their scenarios. This covers topics from shared financial responsibilities, children and custody, getting legal advice and limiting discussions with third parties on a woman’s plans to leave her abuser. This step sets out a non-exhaustive list which serves as a practical guide for victims.
Step 5: It takes a woman an average of seven times before she leaves an abusive relationship for good, and Step 5 seeks to deal with this depressing statistic. This step seeks to remind women of the gravitas of the situation she is in, and why it is important that she executes her strategy with resilience, tenacity and unwavering determination.
Step 6: Women are most at risk after they have left an abusive relationship and Step 6 reminds women to stay vigilant. This chapter also sets out those safeguards women can employ to ensure their physical safety. It also reminds women that once a man is an abuser, he will always be an abuser and he can fall within any category of abuse on the scale ranging from psychological abuse to sexual abuse. Victims of abuse are reminded of not underestimating their abuser.
Step 7: After leaving an abusive relationship, a woman is extremely emotionally vulnerable. Step 7 discusses this process. Not all women do this, but some contemplate dating after exiting an abusive relationship. I share one of my own personal stories in this regard, which provides insight in terms of how an unhealed heart can attract equally wounded individuals which can be damaging especially if a victim of abuse is trying to heal and recover after an abusive relationship.
Step 8: expands on the post-care after leaving an abuser, which includes therapy. Working through steps 1 to 7 means that a woman has had to suppress her emotions and step into objective mode to fight for her life and not have her emotions used as a weapon against her by her abuser. From a mental health perspective, the victim of abuse will need to ensure that she follows through on this step which is essential in terms of her reflecting on the abuse she endured, developing her self-esteem, processing trauma and working through any triggers.
Click here to read Get F*King Objective
Herstories
Herstories is a set of fictitious stories and seeks to achieve the same goal as Get F*King Objective in an emotionally intelligent way. Whilst the book itself covers the very serious issue of domestic abuse, the fictitious nature of it takes the edge off the subject-matter and addresses such issues in an informal and relatable manner.
The female lead characters in the book struggle to come to terms with the fact that they are victims of domestic abuse. What this book seeks to uncover are the ways in which abuse manifests itself and how abusers test boundaries from the beginning of a relationship.
Each character deconstructs what domestic abuse means to them using her own instincts and judgment, which leads to the objective outcome of leaving an abusive relationship by employing strategy. Herstories also includes a chapter on abuse that takes place within an LGBT relationship.
Click here to read an excerpt from Herstories.
